The sex/sleep connection
A lot of couples are malnourished when it comes to love, sex and intimacy. That's one half of the problem. The other half is the guilt and the dysfunction in the relationship that goes with it. Couples could get caught in a chicken and the egg negative loop. Is it the lack of sex that's causing the relationship breakdown or is it the poor relationship that is causing the lack of sex? The positive truth is that the vast majority fall under the former and this gives a lot of couples hope. In other words, there is nothing wrong with the relationship. You simply need more sex, or maybe MORE SLEEP.
Here is where the sex/sleep connection comes in and the irony creeps in. Sleep improves sex and sex improves sleep. Another chicken and egg paradox.
Most people look for life's answers in a new diet or a new exercise regime when in truth they simply need more sleep and often more sex. So what is the sex/sleep connection and could this be the reason why you are lacking intimacy in your relationship? Could this be the reason why you think there is something wrong with the relationship? Sleep impacts your sexual relationship in two ways:
- If one or both of you are not getting enough sleep then you are not going to be in the mood for sex. What is the scientific basis for this?
- Poor quality sleep reduces your testosterone level and this is the hormone which gets you in the mood;
- Not enough sleep makes you physically tired and therefore unable to perform so you give up or don't even try;
- Not enough sleep makes your brain foggy and this shuts down your ability to visualise and fantasise which is an essential part of intimacy.
- If you and your partner are crossing sex time zones. In other words, you and your partner have opposite chrono types. If you are a morning person and your partner a night person â€“ then your hormonal sex drives are not aligning and we all know that 'it takes two to tango'. One of you prefers a 'morning glory', the other a 'late night romp'. Is the answer an 'afternoon delight'? That would be great if couples did not have to work or pick up the kids from school or do grocery shopping. And now you see why, in the modern era, couples are having less and less intimacy. So what is the answer???
There is also a third reason why couples may be lacking in intimacy which has everything to do with their intimacy type. We all have different things that turn us on â€“ mentally, physically and emotionally. Some call it the Love Language Type (pioneered by Dr Gary Chapman) and there are lots of quizzes out there on the market which help you discover what your type is and what your partner's type is and this allows you to understand them a lot more. Yes, that could be effective, but nowhere near as effective as actual communication. You see, your love language type varies throughout the day and it varies for the time of month for females. It also varies based on your emotional needs and what is going on in your life. So trying to figure out your partner's love language type in that moment can only happen when you communicate effectively, otherwise you will appear robotic and insincere. And that is a turn-off in any love language!
To learn more about the topic of love and intimacy, please download my free eBook GUIDE TO GREATNESS here. This is a genuine book based on the 170+ page paperback edition.
To dive even deeper into this and other topics such as discovering your chrono-type for sleep optimisation, you absolutely have to be in the room with me and nine international speakers at Upgrade Your Life 2019, January 18-20 at The Hyatt Regency in Sydney Australia. Come meet Dr Guy Winch whose TED talks on the subject have gone viral, including his latest one How to Mend A Broken Heart.
Snap up one of the remaining seats here and start the year than with a new life plan. Plus enjoy 5-star food and beverage for three full days and gain exclusive entry to three nightly events. Download the FULL PROGRAM here.
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“Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain