Make time for sex, don’t hope to find time
Engaging in meaningful, regular intimacy with your partner has to be a non-negotiable, not just for the strength of your relationship, but for your individual and collective wellness, says one professional.
Speaking recently on The Wellness Daily Show, sex educator and coach Georgia Grace argued that spending quality, intimate time with one’s partner has to be a non-negotiable aspect of one’s schedule.
“I think that everyone will have a different experience of this, and what will be useful for someone will not be useful for another person, but I really like that idea of making time and prioritising your time when it comes to sex or pleasure. It can be really useful for people who perhaps don’t even think about having sex, or for whom sex is not front of mind,” she explained.
“It’s almost so far down the to-do list that they do need to schedule it in or they do need to create a commitment that two or three or seven times a week, whatever fits in with them, can support them in remembering to connect with their partner.”
“And then, on the other side, some people [will find that scheduling intimacy] just won’t work for them when they feel that sex should be spontaneous or ‘of the moment’, or they don’t like that structure around sex. So, they would need to find different ways to schedule in sex or to commit to sex, and that might be that they each have a role, and someone comes up with a surprise that week,” she continued.
“That might mean drawing a bath for them, or giving them a full body massage, but having structure around it that perhaps isn’t linked to time but is linked to a commitment to have sex with one another.”
In a nutshell, Ms Grace submitted, partners need to be able to motivate themselves and each other – for the sake of the relationship as well as holistic wellness.
“I can come with all these facts and figures and ideas, but if they don’t want to or if it’s not important, then nothing’s going to happen. If it is a time thing, and they’re exhausted after a really long day, what about having sex in the morning, or waking up that little bit earlier, or in the middle of the night, or saving it for the weekend?”
“There are absolutely different ways to integrate sex into life and relationship and it doesn’t necessarily need to be in your bed at night. So, finding different schedules or times that work for you and your partner amongst all the other things in life like family and work and other commitments that people have,” she suggested.
Another question that couples need to ask of themselves, Ms Grace added, is what exactly is stopping them from ensuring that sex is a meaningful, regular aspect of the schedule.
“Is it that sex is so exhausting, and they don’t want penetrative sex? Okay, well let’s just take sex off the table and look at giving each other a massage or asking, ‘How do you want to be touched?’ Or, ‘How do you want to touch me?’ Look at the barriers that are stopping you,” she said.
“Time and work can get in the way, but sometimes it’s other things. Maybe it’s that they’re not having fulfilling sex, that they’re not enjoying it. Maybe it’s that it’s painful. Maybe it’s that they’re not having sex in the way that works for their body.”
“So, if it’s not time and if it’s not other commitments, looking at different ways that you can have sex and even redefining what sex means to you and in your relationship.”
In the same episode, Ms Grace said that frequent intimacy with one’s partner not only offers physical, emotional and social boosts – there are also flow-on professional benefits.
To listen to Jerome’s full conversation with Georgia Grace, click below:
“Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain